Headship in the Home: Daughters Transition to Womanhood

Introduction

Fathers play a very important, in fact a vital, role in the raising of girls. A father’s responsibility is to teach, train, affirm, protect, and defend his daughter. Key in a father’s understanding of the role he plays in the life of his daughter is to understand his wife and the role God has for her in the earth. Since we are (or should be) raising our daughters to be wives and mothers, understanding our wives and the role God has given them is essential. Please don’t misunderstand me; I am not saying that all women must be wives and mothers. What I am saying is that God’s plan and design for women is to be wives and mothers. God is certainly able to make exceptions in the lives of particular individuals, but as a default we must teach and train our daughters to become wives and mothers unless and until the Lord directs us otherwise.

Relationships

That being said (or written, as it were), let’s look at the role God has established for our wives and daughters.

We were all created by God as subordinates. A subordinate is simply one who is under the authority of another. We are all subordinates under God’s authority. Under His headship, God designed various levels and types of subordinate roles and relationships.

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Genesis 1:26–28

26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

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We see in this account that mankind has authority over all creatures and that all creatures are subordinate to man. There are other subordinate roles and relationships in creation. One of the most significant relationships in all of God’s creation is the man-woman, or more specifically, husband-wife relationship.

Helper

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Genesis 2:18–23

18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”

19 Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name.

20 The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.

21 So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place.

22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.

23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

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Here we read of how God created woman, which is different from how He created man. Man was created from the dust of the earth. Woman was created from a rib that God took from the man. Woman was created to be a helper to man.

I want to spend a little bit of time and develop this idea of a “helper” before we move on. The word or concept of “helper” has somewhat of a negative connotation in today’s environment. In many industries and businesses today a helper is seen as an insignificant member of the team; someone who is expendable or easily replaced. God’s perspective on this concept is very different; it is not negative but very significant. God declared at the end of each day of creation that what He had created was “good”. At the conclusion of creation, He looked at everything He created and said that it was “very good”. In Genesis 2:18 He states that it is “not good” for man to be alone. God had a specific purpose in creating woman; a purpose that is significant and essential to His creation and His plan. Woman changed the situation with man from being “not good” to being “good”. It’s important that we hold an appropriate perspective on this concept.

The transliterated Hebrew word used that we translate to helper is Ezer (ay’-zer) which means a helper, assistant, or one who affords assistance or relief. Ezer appears 21 times in the Old Testament. A brief survey of how the writers, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, used this word begins to show the significance that God places on this concept.

Scripture	Reference
Genesis 2:18	Reference to woman
Genesis 2:20	Reference to woman
Exodus 18:4	Reference to God
Deuteronomy 33:7	Reference to God
Deuteronomy 33:26	Reference to God
Deuteronomy 33:26	Reference to God
Psalm 20:2	Reference to God’s action
Psalm 33:20	Reference to God
Psalm 70:5	Reference to God
Psalm 89:19	Reference to God’s action
Psalm 115:9	Reference to God
Psalm 115:10	Reference to God
Psalm 115:11	Reference to God
Psalm 121:1	Reference to God’s action
Psalm 121:2	Reference to God’s action
Psalm 124:8	Reference to God’s action
Psalm 146:5	Reference to God
Isaiah 30:5	A non-description of Egypt in a warning to Judah.
Ezekiel 12:14	A description of those who assisted Israel
Daniel 11:34	Reference to help that Babylon was to receive from neighboring nations
Hosea 13:9	Reference to God

The breakdown of the occurrences of this word in the Old Testament is as follows:

• 21 appearances


• 2 refer to woman


• 2 refer to nations around Israel


• 1 is used to juxtapose Egypt’s interaction with Israel


• 16 are used as references to God or His actions.

The fact that the same word is used to describe woman’s purpose and role in the earth as is used to describe God Himself or His actions is very significant and should be the backbone of what forms our perspective of this concept. The concepts of slaves, hired servants, and workers are all introduced in the Old Testament, but completely different words are used to describe these concepts.

The Bible teaches that wives are subject to their husbands; they are under the authority of their husbands, and that authority has been given by God. Women are not (and were not created to be) slaves, servants, hirelings, or workers. Women were created to help, to assist, to come along side their husbands in the assignment their husbands have been given by God in the earth. The implication is that man could not fulfill his role in the earth without woman. Woman’s role is a role that can be filled by no other. We saw that in the garden when every living being was brought to Adam but none was found suitable to be his helper.

The Lie

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Genesis 3:1–7

1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?”

2 The woman said to the serpent, “From the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat;

3 but from the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat from it or touch it, or you will die.’”

4 The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die!

5 “For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

6 When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.

7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.

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The enemy has fed the world a lie that women who fulfill their God ordained roles are second rate, insignificant, unimportant, less important, slaves, servants, hirelings, or workers. How women fulfill their roles have a direct and profound impact on how men (their husbands) fulfill their roles. We see that in the garden when Satan tempted Eve who then led her husband into sin. The enemy can have a deep, negative impact on the kingdom in the earth if he can convince us to believe this lie.

Roles

Now what does all of this have to do with fathers and daughters? I’m getting there.

As Christians it is essential that we understand and fulfill the roles that God has established for us. In order for us to fully accomplish our assignments, we must fulfill our roles.

God created man to rule and lead in the earth. This was His plan, purpose, desire, and pattern (i.e., His criteria) from the beginning. In the husband-wife relationship this means that husbands are to lead their wives. The bible describes this as the husband being the head of the wife. Consequently, woman was not designed to be self-sufficient or independent from man. (Genesis 2:18–24, Ephesians 5:22-24, 1 Corinthians 11:1–12)

If the husband is the head of the wife then certainly he is the head of all that comes from his wife (i.e., children). Women were created to be subordinate to their husbands; by implication children are subordinate to their fathers.

What happens as children mature; does this change? Certainly not. God’s criteria transfer from generation to generation; from (generational) household to (generational) household. Children grow and mature; they are taught and trained under the headship of their father. As they mature, they mature into the roles that God has established for them. When a child matures and is ready to move out from the headship of the father, he or she is to establish a new household based upon these criteria that God has decreed. A son moves out and becomes a head; a daughter moves out and becomes subject to another head. Douglas Wilson’s euphemism illustrates it nicely: “Sons leave; daughters are given”. This is the way God intends it (Genesis 24:50–51, 1 Corinthians 7:36–38).

Transition

This raises questions regarding certain practices in today’s western culture. What about mature children transitioning into adulthood who want to move out of their father’s household to live on their own, go away to school, or even serve in the military?

Let’s start with young men. When a young man is ready to move out from his father’s household and establish his own household, what is he to do? There are essentially three options a young man has:

• Marry and live with his wife.


• Live by himself.


• Share a household with friends (male).

If a young man marries and lives with his wife, they have established a household of which the young man is the head. This meets God’s criteria.

If a young man lives alone, he is the head of his household; a household of one. This meets God’s criteria.

If a young man shares a household with friends he might or might not be the head of his household. If they are all in agreement with “house rules” then it is possible that each young man could be considered the head of his own household. I think that in most cases, this meets God’s criteria.

Now let’s talk about young women. As with young men, there are essentially three options a young woman has:

• Marry and live with her husband.


• Live by herself.


• Share a household with friends (female).

If a young woman marries and lives with her husband, they have established a household and she is living under the headship of her husband. This meets God’s criteria.

If a young woman lives alone, she has no spiritual head (male: father or husband). She is acting as her own head. This does not meet God’s criteria.

If a young woman shares a household with friends (female) she has no spiritual head (male: father or husband). She is acting as her own head. This does not meet God’s criteria.

By today’s secular standard the resulting conclusion of this view is seen as ridiculous and archaic. After all, are young women not to live on their own; are they not to go away to school; are they not to serve in the military? Living by God’s criteria in a world where God is mocked and those who follow Him are ridiculed and persecuted is not easy. Remember the words of our Lord, “Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household”.

Conclusion

The answer is simple and the answer is clear: we are to live our lives by God’s criteria which mean we are to raise our children by God’s criteria. A Woman needs the headship of a man. They begin under the headship of their fathers and they transition to the headship of their husbands. There is no transitional or parenthetical period described in scripture for a woman’s life.

In addition to teaching and training, it is incumbent upon fathers to protect, affirm, and defend their daughters in much the same way they do their wives. A father’s responsibility is to protect his daughter from the wolves that seek to devour her, to affirm her womanhood, and to defend her honor, and then to give that responsibility to another: her husband.

The difficulty in living this out does not alter our responsibility before the Lord in the teaching, training, raising, sending, and giving of our children.

—David S. Spaggiari